My children,
Twenty-eight years ago today, your grandma woke me up in the wee hours of the morning for my father, Dale Hempel, was in distress. We had been taking care of him at home with hospice care for going on six months after he received a terminal diagnosis due to cancer working through his chest, glands, throat, and neck. My father was a big man with the strongest arms I ever knew and cancer whittled away at him until he was under 100lbs and frail. The disease became so invasive that it broke through the left side of his neck, leaving a growing wound and constant visual reminder of what was happening. Near the end, from the swelling and lack of circulation, my father could not lift his head, could not speak, could not eat, and could not open his eyes. We communicated with hand gestures and often held a pad of paper for him to write on... mom or I would hold the pad, put the pencil in his hand, and say “go ahead and write”. We even got to know a couple sign language phrases, the main ones being dad telling us, “I’m good”, and “I love you”. It was so amazing and inspiring for he never complained about his plight. Not once.
That morning as my mother woke me up, I could hear the dread in her voice as I bolted down the hallway from my bedroom to the family room where dad was in his hospital bed. I arrived to my mom in tears, running around calling out for me, frantically doing everything she could to help dad be comfortable... he was suffocating due to the cancer cutting off his ability to breathe. However, Sarah, our hospice nurse taught us well! Educated my mom well! Mom knew exactly what to do but just struggled to find the courage and strength to do it. It took me getting there and giving mom the encouragement to give dad the emergency morphine which would relax his muscles, relax his lungs, and let him get whatever breaths he could. “I’ve got dad, mom, you give him the meds like Sarah taught.” With that, mom went to work on dad’s IV and I went to him and held him in my arms. Your grandfather grabbed my arms and squeezed with strength I didn’t know he had left in him as he gasped for air. As the medication entered the IV tubes and his body, I could feel his grip loosen as his tension began to relax. He hands went from a stressed, air-gasping grab to the gentle arms of a loving father holding his son. Time seemed to slow down as dad relaxed back into the bed while I held him. Slowly, I could see a renewed calm coming over him, and as this happened, he raised his hands giving me the sign for “I love you”. Holding that sign language before me and me speaking I love you back to him, he slowly set his arms down on the bed and with one last gasp for air, went to his graduation party in heaven. Oh, what it must have been like for him finish that battle and run into Jesus’s arms!
Over the days, weeks, months, and years to come I grew ever more aware that I was robbed of a father to coach me in becoming a man. Even later, I realized that you, my children, were robbed of meeting one of the greatest men you could ever know... your Grandpa Dale. While every man that ever lived, aside from Christ himself, has flaws and makes mistakes, your grandfather will always be one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. He was strong, protective, Godly, and took care of his family. Yet he was also gentle, sweet, compassionate, and loving. He was born to Irvin and Barbara Hempel (of Polish and German descent) and he had a younger brother, whom you did know as your Uncle Kirk. His family spent most of his younger years in the Detroit area and Dad graduated from Redford High School. During his senior year the family moved to Brighton and that’s where he met your sweet grandmother, Beverly. I’m sure you can recall the story of how they met from the snow ball story grandma likes to tell. In his younger years your grandfather played the accordion, played a little football, worked on cars, and was drafted by the Army during the Vietnam war. However, he was never enlisted but rather sent home due to a heart murmur and his flat feet which were missing an arch.
The automotive field was his passion for work and career as he was an automotive mechanic. He worked so hard for mom and I. When I was young, dad worked at whatever gas station and corner garage he could. I have mental images of a few of the different places he worked at... Hurst Olds, Cars and Concepts, a small garage in Howell, and another small garage in Brighton called Hi-Way Tire. I remember a season when he had to drive a long way to work in a small Volkswagen beetle that had no heat. In the winter, he would bundle up, wear battery heated socks, and go work to bring home a paycheck so that mom could stay home looking after me and so that we three could have a home and life together. Then there was the day when he began at General Motors. He and mom were so excited because it launched dad into a more stable and lucrative employment. When dad got his first pay check from GM he took mom and I out to Red Lobster for dinner to celebrate. Getting to Red Lobster was a really big deal for us back then.
The reason I tell you three I love you so often is because my father told me he loved me as often as he could. In the short time I had with him I had a dad who was always there, attending my events, helping me when I was down, showing me how to love and treat a wife properly, and showing me how to be a man who could find the joy to be had every day and how to love people well. Your grandfather relished a good joke, loved to be with people, loved corny jokes, slapstick humor, and always seemed to be that guy people sought out at a party or gathering. I’d also be chagrined not to mention that he so enjoyed traditional coney dogs, lasagna, fried bologna sandwiches, and German chocolate cake.
Your grandfather was also a God-fearing man. I think one of the best qualities about him was that he didn’t talk too much about his faith but rather, he lived his faith. You knew his faith by his life, actions, choices, and love. He meekly walked the talk like no one I’ve known since. He was humble, never looking for a spotlight or praise, never boasting about himself. He simply stood in the background, you could say, and stood as a strong pillar for anyone in his life. At his funeral people poured in from all over. We were overwhelmed by the number of folks who came to the wake and to the service to honor dad and share a story. Everyone who came had to find mom and I and tell us what he meant to them. Every story was filled with gratitude and love for dad’s friendship in their lives. I learned so many things that he did for other people, things I never knew about him because he was not boastful, just helpful and loving.
I believe that our loved ones can live on through us and I hope with all my heart that I help you, at times, to know who your grandfather was. To understand what a wonderful and precious man he was and the huge impact he made in his short 48 years of life on this earth. My heart aches when I think about him not being at the birth of you three; his grandson Noah, and his Granddaughters Faith and Chloe. I know he was there in spirit however, anyone who has ever walked through grief and mourning knows that you never stop wishing you had their physical presence back again. That’s not something you “get over”, you just figure out how to move forward without them.
My children, I wonder if you’ve ever asked yourself what life might have been like if you had met, shared life with, and known your Grandpa Dale... let me tell you. You would have known a grandfather who was strong and mighty but also as gentle as a cuddly teddy bear. He would have had strength to protect you, watch over you, and help you and he would have relished in making you feel safe, adored, valued, and important. You would have had a grandfather who had a ferocious love for you and immense pride in you. Just like you became Grandma’s world as she has always been present with you, your grandfather would have been the same. All of your events, life happenings, celebrations, achievements, graduations, weddings, and more would have been of utmost importance to him. Especially when life happened to you and you found yourself needing the wisdom and love of a grandfather, he would have been there. He would have been a strong pillar in your life, always doing everything he could to lift you up. That’s the kind of man he was.
Knowing our heritage is just as important as the legacy we leave to be lived on in others' lives. Your heritage is what you are birthed out of, it's what you were raised up in. Please don’t ever forget the memory of your grandfather. Even though you were robbed of meeting him, may you let his legacy live on in who you are. All three of you are beautiful people who all have a spark of Dale Hempel inside you. May that spark always light fires for you and when it does, remember that it's your grandpa Dale. He may not be physically present in your life, but he is a part of your spirit, your DNA, and always will be. Today or sometime this week, lift a glass and remember your grandfather! Thank God for that great man who is a part of your heritage and though he was gone from your lives, has always and still impacted who you have become.
Love always, dad.
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